Everybody I know has at least some form of resentment towards being alone in the dark or being in the dark in general. This is often used in horror films to make the viewer feel the uncomforting feeling that is known all too well. Every person in existence can recall a time when they stood still in a dark area, too scared to move for no other reason than the unknown. Well, blind people may be an exception.
Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is produced and co-written by Guillermo del Toro and directed by new comer Troy Nixey. For his first film, Nixey did a phenomenal job. It’s an extremely well made film with breath taking set design. The amount of detail that was put into every inch of the house is simply magnificent.
I have never seen the original 1973 made for tv film of the same name so I will not touch on that and will treat this as a standalone film. First off, the original ad campaign sold me instantly simply by showing short clips, mentioning del Toro, and having the title fall in huge letters. I loved it and could not wait to see it. As the months went on for me waiting to see it, I did my best not to read much about it so I could go in with a completely fresh mind.
For those who haven’t seen the original, the story is about a young girl named Sally (Bailee Madison) who is sent to live with her father Alex (Guy Pearce) and his girlfriend Kim (Katie Holmes) as they remodel a mansion. Sally isn’t there for long before she is contacted by the dark past of the house and what starts out as innocent childish curiosity, quickly turns into something much darker.
I want to state right now that I thoroughly enjoyed Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark and had a very good time watching it. It’s extremely well made and is obviously a passion project for those involved. With that being said, I wasn’t frightened pretty much at all by it and that’s my biggest criticism. If I was young or around the age that del Toro was when he saw the original, it probably would have kept me up for a few nights but as it stands and with me being at the ripe old age of nineteen, it just did not scare me. Yes, it was tense at moments and there’s a scene toward the end of the film where Kim is attempting to save Sally from the monsters and… just see it. It’s the only part that really got me simply because I was not expecting to actually see anything of a semi-graphic nature.
For some reason, the film is rated R and I really cannot see why. The violence was kept to a minimum and was mostly off screen (with the exception of one fairly bloody scene and the quick one I mentioned earlier), I don’t remember there being any harsh language at all, and there was no sex whatsoever. The MPAA claims that is was rated R for violence and terror. I can kind of see that for younger viewers but for the crowd that will be allowed in to see it, I doubt there will be much terror.
It’s a good film but I wanted it to be great. Nixey showed great skill and I will definitely keep an eye on him as his career continues. I do recommend it and I doubt it will be met with much dislike. The acting and writing are quite good (more so the writing) and the directing and set design were damn good. Also, it kind of confused me a bit with the ending which I liked. Maybe I just need to see the original to understand it but nonetheless, it was pretty cool. See it and have a good time and if you hate your young kids, bring them to it as well.
★★★½
Remember when you were younger and you’d sneak staying up late to watch cartoons on adult swim and other programs like that because all the older kids were watching them and you wanted to see them as well? You’d watch it and as a kid be excited because there was profanity and drawings of boobs and violence. It was cool. The key word is “was”.
The Haunted World of El Super Beasto is director Rob Zombie’s first animated film and it’s based on his comic of the same name. I have never read his comic but I can assure you that after sitting though this piece of shit, I won’t be rushing out to find it any time soon. Now, if it’s any consolation, I like Zombie’s other films. I mean, I really like Zombie’s other films. Yes, his work has its faults but nonetheless, I am a huge fan. El Super Beasto? Not at all. I literally had to force myself to sit though the whole 77 minute running time. This, by the way, felt so much longer than it actually was.
The story follows the perverted/sex crazed Super Beasto (voiced by Tom Papa) who is a wrestler of sorts and his sidekick/sister Suzi X (voiced by Zombie’s wife, naturally). The overall plot is that Beasto kind of falls for a stripper named Velvet Von Black (Rosario Dawson doing an extremely irritating accent but doing it so well, I had no idea it was her) and then Dr. Satan (Paul Giamatti) wants her so he sends his gorilla servant to take her and then Beasto goes on an adventure to get her back and calls Suzi away from her battle with Nazi zombies so she can assist him. Yeah, that’s pretty much it.
It’s immature, boring, unfunny, and just plain childish. I’d heard it was extremely messed up and sick and it even starts out with a “warning” about the content which was completely unnecessary. There was nothing here that I even batted an eye at and the only semi amusing aspect of the film is an old man who operates an elevator who has a laugh that made me smile. That’s all this flick got out of me, a smile.
If you’re a fan of cartoon nudity, painfully unfunny jokes, Drawn Together style animation, and/or are one of the youngins I mentioned above, you’ll love it. All I can say is that it is just plain bad and I honestly hate saying that. I expect low brow humor and an overabundance of profanity/gore/sex in Zombie’s films but this was just sad.
As much as I disliked this, I have extremely high hopes for his upcoming film The Lord’s of Salem. Looks to be dark and nasty, the way I like my Zombie. Until then, I’ll just pretend this never happened.
★
Well, it’s been a while hasn’t it? A long while. I could say that I’ve been busy or just haven’t had the time to write but that’d be a lie. Laziness was my crime but I’m starting back up now and what could be a better return than Birdemic: Shock and Terror.
Read my review for The Room and pretty much apply everything I said there to this. Yes, Birdemic actually manages to be worse than The Room and Troll 2. Yes, it’s hilarious but dammit this is a frustrating movie. The first forty five minutes attempt to establish the relationship between Rod and Nathalie, the two leads, a slight effort toward character development is the only logical conclusion for any of it, and then birds show up out of nowhere and start diving bombing/exploding, squawking, and spitting acid.
The first half is significantly more entertaining and funny than the second but that’s not saying much. It’s a piece of shit, honestly. The acting, writing, and directing is atrocious and the editing, sound, and CG is baffling awful. The only reason the first half manages to be “better” is because as the ninety minute running time drags on, the “so bad it’s good” feeling wears away and you’re just left with a terrible film.
Nothing about this movie makes any sense. The leads didn’t know each other but then say they went to high school together but were from different states. Rod apparently just made a ten million dollar deal for his software company and Nathalie supposedly signed a contract with Victoria’s Secret. This means nothing to the story. Absolutely nothing in the story fully flows together at all and rarely does anything make sense. Where did the birds come from and why are they attacking? We have no idea nor fully care. The birds look and sound so awful that all you can do is laugh. Later in the flick, it’s said the birds are only attacking people in cars and at gas stations due to global warming. Yup, global warming.
It’s honestly my fault for not seeing that one coming in the nonsensical plot. I mean, the characters do go see An Inconvenient Truth and Rod drives a hybrid mustang that gets 100 mpg. So obvious, right?
The most comical part of the whole movie to me is that it apparently took director James Nguyen, the “master of the romantic thriller”, four years to complete. You’d think in four years he’d at least have a story that was, well, a story. Birdemic is more or less a collection of shots randomly put to together in an attempt to be chronological with a lot of the details linking events together being left on the cutting room floor.
You want a “good bad movie”? Watch it. If you like that sort of thing, it is perfect. Just note that I love that sort of thing and I found this tough to sit all the way through. Grab some brews, grab some friends, and turn it on and you’ll probably have a great laugh. If you’re committed and sit through the whole thing, you’ll have a good time though the journey is a tough one.
-★★★★
Author’s Note: After reading what I wrote, it may seem confusing about what I’m trying to say. See it. It’s damn funny. Just know that it occasionally fades and you’re left annoyed.
Going only on the trailer, Source Code didn’t seem like anything all that special. It seemed like another run of the mill, action packed industry flick; it didn’t quite catch my eye—at first. Then I realized that Duncan Jones was the director. My thoughts began to change.
Jones was responsible for 2009’s beautiful sci-fi gem Moon, which was also his film debut. After getting his name out with a hard sci-fi indie film, it seemed odd that his next project would be one with a big chance of commercial success but I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Thankfully, he made it worth my while.
Source Code isn’t exactly what the advertisements imply. It’s not an over-the-top, action-packed, love story on a train. Yes, there is action. Yes, there is a subtle love story, and yes, there is a train. But Jones doesn’t allow the Speed-style triteness to get in the way of the real story at hand. Now, I can’t go into too much detail about the film unless I slap a giant spoiler alert sticker at the top of the article. There are just some surprises in the film that need to be experienced to be fully appreciated.
I sat down with Duncan Jones to get some insight on Source Code. “I read it and thought it was terrific,” he said. “It was so fast-paced compared to Moon, so I got excited.” He said that though both Source Code and Moon share some similar themes and concepts, what drew him to the project were actually all of the differences. “The thing that appealed to me about the Source Code script was the differences, not the similarities,” he said. Jones set out to make a film unlike his last, while still staying true to his still-fresh sci-fi roots. And he succeeded.
With the obvious differences between his two works, I was curious about his feelings towards the different styles of filmmaking. One being a low budget indie film (Moon) and the other being a film that had more commercial appeal. “I want to have the illegitimate child of independent filmmaking and budget to make it,” he said. “I made Moon because I wanted to make feature films… Source Code was the opportunity to work with some big name actors, to work with Jake [Gyllenhall] who I was a big fan of, work in the Hollywood system with some more money, some more toys to play with. The next film I’d like to do would be something I’ve written myself with the same kind of money that I did Source Code on and hopefully we’ll take it from there and see how that goes down.” Jones is a director that focuses on making quality films—the kind he would love to see. It’s exciting to know that he is making a name for himself b and it won’t be surprising if in the future, he becomes a force to be reckoned with.
I was curious about what his next project would be and though he was unable to say much, he informed me that his next film will be another sci-fi film. “[I’m] writing a science fiction film right now,” he said. “And unfortunately, as much as I am enthusiastic about talking about it, I can’t really say much more than that but it’s going to be as different as Source Code is from Moon.” He promised that the film would be action packed but still stay true to his hard sci-fi past. He also stated that though he is establishing himself in the sci-fi world, he would like to explore other genres. “I was massively jealous but also excited when Tarantino did Inglourious Basterds. I’m a huge “guys on a mission” fan… by the time I am ready to make one of those films; I think Inglourious Basterds will have been long enough ago that maybe people will be ready for another kind of film like that. I’d love to do something like that.” He’s already proven that he is not a one trick pony with the heavy atmosphere of Moon and the quick paced segments of Source Code so fans should not fret his eventual venture into new territory.
If you’re on the fence or just not sure about Source Code, see it. Give it the chance it deserves. It’s a smart film by a fantastic director and though I had my doubts, it did not let me down. Watch it. It will surprise you.
★★★★
As I sat this morning enjoying a cup of coffee and a bagel, I learned that thus far, the highest grossing film of 2011 is the micro budgeted gem Insidious. Now, I haven’t written proper review for Insidious yet (though I plan on it) but just know that, in a nutshell, it’s great and it brings a big smile to my face to see that it is doing so well. As much as I want to, I am not going to go into the details of the film. I’ll save that for my review. Instead, the reason why I am writing this is primarily out of excitement. Horror is alive and killing. Well, let me clarify.
After doing a bit of research, it’s proven that horror films are some of the highest grossing of their year. True, they’re not the powerhouses that their blockbuster competitors are but they definitely have a leg in the race. From The Blair Witch Project to The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) to Paranormal Activity and Insidious. These films are nothing but horror and yet they explode when unleashed on audiences. I make that point to prove that horror is a loved genre. Critics tend to discredit and often completely ignore most horror films but from the numbers alone, horror has proven to be quite popular.
The popularity doesn’t necessarily mean the films are good though. Look at the 2009 reimagining of Friday the 13th. Frankly, that flick sucked and it sucked hard yet it was quite successful in the box office. Look at The Happening. For the unfortunate ones who saw this mess, this is a perfect example of Hollywood realizing that horror sells regardless of quality. I mean, I should have seen the massive shit stain that this turned out to be from the ad campaign alone. When the film being rated R is the driving force behind the campaign, a light should flicker on to warn you that you’re about to hate your decisions in life.
Then there is the slew of remakes, PG-13 stinkers, and mind numbing PG-13 remakes. Yes, most are bad to awful and cringe worthy but the point is that they sell. Without the success of the mainstream money grubbers, there wouldn’t be a chance for smaller, more deserving horror films to even be made. Example: District 9. While technically not a horror film per se, it is a sci-fi alien flick and that often gets lumped in with the horror genre so, I’m going for it.
District 9 is a beautiful film with a deep message and plenty of intense action and has a few good gore scenes and when watching it, it’s hard to believe that it was made for $30 million. That’s a pretty small budget in the realm of film but what’s even better is that it went on to gross over twice that amount and that’s with not many people I’ve encountered even seeing it. That right there proves that horror/sci-fi does have staying power in the mainstream and that Hollywood doesn’t just have to continue releasing the shite they’ve grown accustom to.
This may seem long winded. This may pointless. The point? I’m happy. I’m happy that horror, despite having many critics and industries scolding them, still manages to stick around and hold its own. I’m happy that audiences still have the thirst to be frightened. Even with all the mediocre and snore inducing “horror” that Hollywood puts out, I still smile. Yes, I get upset at those films. Yes, I criticize them above and beyond but at the end of the day, they are still horror and due to their successes, they are allowing the gems in the genre to be released and for that, I thank you.
Blinky is a short film directed by Ruairi Robinson and it is nothing short of amazing. It’s only twelve minutes and fifty one seconds long but tells a captivating tale of a boy, Alex played by Max Records of Where the Wild Things Are, who wants nothing more than for his parents to stop their fighting and takes out his frustrations on his helper robot Blinky. In its short running time, you are able to feel connected to Alex and his adolescent anger towards his family that is falling apart. You even feel sympathy for Blinky at times due to Alex’s harsh and unreasonable demands. What works so well with this is that the connection is established quickly and naturally and when the story turns grim, and trust me it does, it’s extremely effective and quite chilling.
This may be the shortest review that I have ever written but you simply have to see it for yourself. It’s beautifully shot, excellently acted and directed, and one of the best short films I have ever seen. My fingers are crossed with hopes of possibly seeing this developed into a feature and I will definitely be keeping my eye on Robinson’s work from now on. Do yourself a favor and watch this film.
★★★★½
It’s free on vimeo so you really have no excuse: http://vimeo.com/21216091
“Do not see this film!” That is what the majority of reviews I read begged. Of course, having read that, I was then driven to see it even more. We all want what we’re not supposed to, right? After seeing the film, it’s safe to say that we are not supposed to have this one.
Tim Anderson of Blood-Disgusting claimed that watching A Serbian Film felt like “having his soul raped.” I thought this was a bit overdramatic. Surely it couldn’t be that bad, right? I’ve seen Antichrist, Martyrs, Inside, Aftermath, Cannibal Holocaust, and a good portion of Salò. I didn’t even second guess seeing this one. I should have listened to Mr. Anderson’s words though. “You don’t want to see Serbian Film. You just think you do.” Being a person who loves films that are repulsive in nature, laden with controversy, and push the boundaries of what is acceptable in cinema, I knew I had to see this one. I was wrong.
A Serbian Film tells the story of a former porn star who has retired and now lives a rather normal life with his wife and son. He has some financial issues and is offered an extremely well paying role and a chance to contribute to a new chapter in pornography. He has no idea what the film is going to be about but he discusses with his wife and signs the contract. What follows is a disgusting and disturbing trek into the sadistic mind of an insane director. That’s what the plot is but it also mirrors reality. Director Srdjan Spasojevic claims that the film is a social commentary, stating, “This is a diary of our own molestation by the Serbian government… It’s about the monolithic power of leaders who hypnotize you to do things you don’t want to do. You have to feel the violence to know what it’s about.” I know nothing about the Serbian government so the message I received from this film was… errr… don’t sign vague contracts? Yeah, that’s it.
The film is repulsive. I say that with a smile on my face. I do not recommend this to anyone at all. I will never watch it again. It left me feeling horrible and low and disturbed. It’s full of pedophilia, necrophilia, and pure sadism. It’s not enjoyable at all but in that same breath, it’s extremely well acted, written, and directed. The score fits the film extremely well and everything, though loathsome, is executed with artistic craft and precision.
Do not see it. You don’t want to. Trust me. No film has gotten under my skin and made me feel like this before. For that alone, I applaud it but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed it. I never thought I would ever do this but I simply cannot give this a star rating. Any rating I apply would greatly misinterpret what I want to convey. So, though I poked fun at him in the past for this quote, I will end my review with an extremely suitable quote from Roger Ebert’s review of The Human Centipede. His words are much more fitting for A Serbian Film. “I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don’t shine.”
The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:
The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.
A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 4,700 times in 2010. That’s about 11 full 747s.
In 2010, there were 35 new posts, not bad for the first year! There were 53 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 14mb. That’s about 1 pictures per week.
The busiest day of the year was August 29th with 93 views. The most popular post that day was About..
The top referring sites in 2010 were facebook.com, formspring.me, altpress.com, en.wordpress.com, and spunk-ransom.com.
Some visitors came searching, mostly for tim and eric, casper kids, indiescream, piranha 2010 movie poster, and if you could hear me, i would say that our finger prints don’t fade from the lives we’ve touched..
These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.
About. February 2010
3 comments
Remember Me. March 2010
3 comments
Damn Kids These Days: A Cynical Analysis of the Recent Wave in the Hardcore Scene. February 2010
5 comments
Alice In Wonderland. March 2010
7 comments
A Serious Man. February 2010
It’s been a long time since I have written any reviews but with the New Year only a day away, I plan to pick up the pace again and have more reviews on a rather consistent basis. Hopefully I can stick to that. Anyway, I feel that instead of writing a ton of reviews for films that I slacked on, I should go with the flow and compile a list of my top films of 2010. I mean, hell, who doesn’t love lists? I sure do!
20. Hot Tub Time Machine
19. Toy Story 3
18. Machete
17. Mystery Team
16. Piranha 3D
15. I’m Still Here
14. Bass Ackwards
13. Trash Humpers
12. Greenberg
11. Kick-Ass
10. Cyrus
9. Jack Goes Boating
8. [REC]2
7. Exit Through the Gift Shop
6. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
5. Catfish
4. Inception
3. True Grit
2. Black Swan
1. The Social Network
So, there you have it. My top picks of 2010. Now, you may be looking at this and wondering where a few films are. There were a lot of flicks this year so I sadly wasn’t able to view them all. Here are the films that I missed but wanted to see in 2010:
Leaves of Grass
Blue Valentine
Youth in Revolt
The Ghost Writer
A Prophet
Waking Sleeping Beauty
Please Give
Casino Jack
Splice
Winter’s Bone
I Am Love
Dogtooth
The Kids Are Alright
Hatchet II
Valhalla Rising
Life During Wartime
Get Low
Lebanon
The American
Never Let Me Go
The Virginity Hit
Buried
Let Me In
I Spit On Your Grave
Nowhere Boy
Stone
Paranormal Activity 2
Monsters
Four Lions
127 Hours
The King’s Speech
Rabbit Hole
I feel I had to mention all those to be fair to the list. I’m sure that some would have made it in my top 20 but I won’t know until 2011. I guess that’s about it. I wanted to make a top most god awful list as well but I honestly didn’t see that many suckish films this year (mainly because I avoided the handful that looked suckish) but I do have two films that stuck out to me as just downright bad:
Alice in Wonderland
Seriously, Tim Burton just needs to stop. It’s getting really sad.
Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work
This documentary was made to give a glimpse into the real life of Joan Rivers. Behind all the surgeries and crude humor. This was supposed to show a side we hadn’t seen. It did and now I hate Joan Rivers, that crusty old bitch.